If we were bunched then straightened
If the faultline was a crack
If the pointing looped inward
If her name dissolved as you said it
If smoke was coming out of her mouth
If her words were owned before spoken
If there were faces under the water
If the smoke formed faces
If translated from the [] If “welcomed” by heavy security
If heavy with salt
If in the bottom of the well
If in the pit of the stomach
If in the desert of the past tense
If my body shows up again
If the mouth of the river was dry
If this bridge called my back
If the bedsheet was a page
If the weft was a meadow
If parts of us die before we do
I want mine to be my selfish parts
By saying nothing what did I say
When my body was a harmonica
If information is a deceptively partial illumination
If our food is grown under the type of lights that give us headaches
If a dead person’s kidneys filter N’s blood
If she gets out of bed first I roll into the warm spot she made
If I rocked myself shut
If I want the feeling of sinking my teeth into frosting/ crust/ meat
If I wanted the feeling of sinking
If I wanted to feel
If I am falling into a headlong
If a shower of petals obscured her body
If a swarm of cursors covered her face
If the meat just falls away from the bone
If language is thick with hair and twigs
If her mouth honey and ginger
If her face changed under my fingers
If rain changed to snow
If the pans changed to drums
If the clock spun backwards
If my head folded into a swan
If our fruit changed to mush
If the bread rose
If the house sprouted wings
If the tunnel grew branches
If the branches grew dead ends
If the man changed into a woman
If the child turned into a mother
If the mother turned into a ghost
If every time was the last time
If you know there will be a next time
If no personal best
If the forecast was no
If she was a tall drink of no
If the year was a long no
If each bed was a page
If blank with no
If one scratches at the surface until one rips through it
If the arrow rushes into the future
If I speak with my fingers only
If I carry his water
Where dogs bark behind chainlink
If compulsory femininity seeps from the bag
Where the hole where the bathtub had been
If the hole her life curled into closed over
Where the hole for the trach tube
Where the site of infection
If her body is diagrammed in butcher’s segments
If my body is threaded with roots
If these threads burrow across miles to you
If an open grave with all its magnets
If blown bulbs, sicario, your subway face
If the words blurred as she said them
If she flickered on and off
If the technocrats sneered behind frosted glass
If a new condo mushroomed up on each block
If her body was a rent check
If his body was an Uber
If hundreds of screens rocket under the river every six to ten minutes
If we pack ourselves tight enough to just barely never touch anyone
If she was packed tightly
If the day was loaded
If there was a kind of awe over it quivering
If who was under it all shaking
If all the tickets/receipts/ bodies ribboned into confetti
If I thumb her face on a screen
If I brush a charged wire
If today as the gas tank light dings the third time I haven’t spoken to anyone
If every door is a blue mouth
If there is no grief in this just the old body/ year / world swallowing itself
If what’s left has gone to grass and dirt
If a country on its knees
If a country with its back turned
If my body is a landscape
If his fridge light is the sun
If the borders were crossed
If the relentless present tense
How many died of hunger of gender
How many animal bodies were manufactured for my body to consume
If afternoon clicked into night easily as mah jong tiles across the kitchen table
If I was scattered with crumbs
If there was grease collected above the stove
If the food it spattered from became our muscles, our veins
If after someone moved the boxes from the loading dock to the shelf we moved them into our rooms then placed the contents in our bodies and threw away the container, what someones came before the loading dock?
If there was candle wax on the windowsill
If her name was an apple
If sand blew in ripples
If an idea was bubbling up
If I was a penny falling through water
If she were a pearl falling through soap
If the highway grew arcing loops in the city
If both our hair threaded the sink
If the drain is clogged with scraps
If the word in my mouth is a sin
If dust is mostly skin
If the shuddering planet my wake of plastic her wire hanger your passport
If we claim rings in the tree mark wars
If rings in the tree mark winters
If snow piled on snow accrues until it collapses under its weight
If loud noise can spur an avalanche
Who flinches when the doorbell rings
Who stiffens when touched
Who aches under florescence
When the green ray
If my body is a pitcher I fill and empty
How strong do we need to be
Where is the site of impact
What intervention is indicated
How can I melt your shoulders down
Can we try exhaling in tandem