I live in a pit of vomit / always asking for a pen
to bear myself / I can’t remember
I trauma trauma loop / oh the bore
Despite incessant years / emptied of spoken words
I still have visions / of him my father
Always the gun again / Always in my bedroom
My mother assures me / I’ll lose my uterus soon
I’m always about to start my period / Or on my period
Or relieved my period is over / Or the few days of the month
when I’m thinking I’m so glad / to not be thinking of my period
I’m defined by my blood / my deferment of motherhood
Why did I deny / my body’s pleasure
I’ve never wanted / to punish my father
[ Does your father / understand your suffering ]

 

[ Is your mother desperate / for you to love the father ]
The motherfucking father / I was made to leave the courtroom
while they considered / the last time my parents fucked
She said I needed to see / if I still felt anything
But how we know is / not permissible in the court of male law
Her uterus had fallen out / They held it all against her
Under biblical oath / he said he never touched me
Always normal / father daughter
The cops let him leave / with the gun in his white hand
My mother still believes / in a religion and nation
with no female authors / Where the father and
his women and his courts / condemn me for loving a woman
My mother’s always pleading / for me to join them
Can’t you just try / to love men again